Happiness

I came to a massive realization tonight as I reflected upon my day. I realized that my happiness depends on the attitude I take. I know many would say - that’s just common sense, but sometimes when you hear something over and over again, you might understand it mentally but feeling it with your whole heart and knowing what it means takes experience.

Lately I have been feeling a bit off. I am usually a very positive, energetic and happy person. But, for the past month and a half or so, I have been feeling abit, weird. I will describe this for you: grumpy, insecure, sad, stressed, anxious, negative, needy = NOT MYSELF!! I was simply blaming it on Tasmania’s’ cold, dark and dreary days, however, today this mood has come to its peak. I realized that it’s affecting others in my life.

This mood comes down to this crappy attitude I’m beginning to develop. This is not who I am and this has got to stop! The antidote: gratitude, love, courage, faith, confidence, compassion and belief in myself.

In the past I would make a goal. I would be so excited for it, I would dream about it, think about it and everything would run smoothly in my life because I am so focused and motivated on this one goal. I would be so grateful for everything, my energy would be up and I would be genuinely excited for the future. I would treat people better, show more kindness, be more respectful and be confident in who I am. And my mood...? Absolutely, positively FEARLESS!

Then, as I began to realize the challenge this goal entails the end result always looked too big for me. I would give up when I barely began. I would begin to only see the problems, complain and blame others. I would lose energy, worry constantly and finally give up!

This time my goal is to get to France in mid-December. This is no small goal and when I first set it I was feeling ready and on top of the world. Now all I am seeing are the challenges ahead, whether this is learning the language fluently, saving a tonne of money, getting all these documents, working 2 jobs 6 days a week and trying to balance other parts of my life as well. Lately, I have been feeling defeated, like the goal has already been lost and I have already failed. As the trip is getting closer, these challenges seem larger and my attitude is screaming “This is too big for me.”

Well, I’ve decided my attitude freaking sucks! Who decides whether or not this challenge is too big? I do. Who decides to focus on all the negatives instead of the positives? I do! Who decides what my attitude is? I freaking well do!!!!! So I am going to tap into my own power and be the best person I can possibly be. I’ll be confident, ready, positive, compassionate, loving, grateful and everything I usually am!! I CANT WAIT!!!

                                                                                                                                                                               

Abientot mon amis